Sunday, April 22, 2012

Down the Road

My propensity and skill for procrastination are very well demonstrated and documented over the years.  I continually tell myself that there will be time to do all these things and more down the road. 
Time to get in shape.
Time to meet the woman of my dreams and start a family.
Time to travel.
Time to write that second novel.
Time to learn to play guitar.
Time to take improv classes.
Time to learn to ballroom dance.

A friend and mentor passed away last week.  I met her when I showed up to help build sets at a community theater eight summers ago, and she was warm, welcoming, and at the same time completely in control of everything going on.  As the president of the board, she was clearly passionate about what she was doing and you could see that attitude spread through everyone that was there.  While I've always had a love for the theater, getting to work with her is one of the reasons that I stayed.  As I came back year after year, we got to know each other better and she started asking about my family, talking me through job frustrations, pointing out the women that I should be asking out.  Three years ago, she asked me to join the board of the theater.  I wasn't going to do it, but she took me out for coffee and we talked for a couple hours.  She was so passionate, so positive about the experience and what it had brought her that she talked me into it.  She lived life.  Full of joy and passion, without fear.  No regrets.  And suddenly she had to step aside to battle breast cancer.  And she fought it the way that she lived--without fear.  Last week, she couldn't fight any more and cancer took her at age 59.   

59.  It seems way too young.  I always assume that I've got tons of time left.  But the fact is, that there is a point where there is no more "down the road".  And nobody knows when that will be.  I know that for me, fear is one of the reasons that I put things off.  The problem is, I'm not sure what I'm afraid of?  Failure?  I've failed at many, many things in my life.  Fear of making a mistake?  It happens.  Fear of changing the status quo?  That may be a bit more likely.  But knowing that life (and a person's perspective) can change drastically is part of living fearlessly.  Conquering that is the key to making sure that I do all those things that I want to.  I don't want to have regrets when the end of the road arrives.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

It's All About the Bread

My name is Josh and I'm a carboholic. 

(Hi Josh)

I could eat bread for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Cereal multiple times per day is rarely out of the question.  Give me a good loaf of bread and I could live off of it (generally toasted, with butter and occasionally with garlic or cinnamon for variety) for a few days.  Bagels: yummy.  A good burger just isn't right without an equally good bun.  Pizza.  My crusty, cheesy, zesty friend.  And then there are the cookies and cakes of the world, which are just begging to be eaten. 

But I've gone without bread for two days now.  Passover cruely forces us apart for a little over a week every year around this time, and the separation never gets any easier as the years pass.  The cravings start slowly, with the longing for a bowl of cereal for breakfast.  But by the end of the holiday, much of my mental capacity is taken up by wishes for french toast, a big sandwich, deep dish pizza, garlic bread....I should stop before I make myself hungrier.  Clearly, bread and I have a relationship that will last despite those that try to keep us apart.  There's a true love there, but it might be a bit all consuming.  I don't want to break up, but perhaps we should just be friends.

Now I need to go break the same news to cheese...